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He could disarm you with his looks... or his hands, either way.
He can speak French... in Russian.
Ladies and Gentleman, the admins here at WavingTheWheat.com are proud to introduce our latest staff writer, Scotch McAngus. A man who grew up wandering the storied streets of downtown Lawrence, Scotch was born in the wheat fields behind The Outhouse to a woman of whom the history books have no record. He was suckled and raised by feral cats, only to leave his pride when he grew weary of cat milk and required a diet that would truly allow him to become a man; a diet of alcohol and alcohol alone.
Thus, young Scotch began busking the bustling scene of Mass Street with a bagpipe constructed from a trash bag and old hookah hoses, subsisting off of mere dollars per day to quench his love for Guinness Draught (poured properly, of course). Being a real man, he always followed each pint with a clean glass of scotch, but he drank so much that there wasn't ever enough left in the bar's stock to quench his thirst.
Only one other thing could hold the interest of McAngus and that was sports. He was all state in every sport his high school offered, captain of the show choir, and slept with the entire dance team. He was well on his way to a lucrative and successful career in the NFL, NBA, MLB, and STDL (steel tip dart league) until he broke both legs rescuing triplet infants and Miss Teen Lawrence from burning building in downtown Lawrence.
While laid up in casts Scotch used this time to hone his skill of writing and covering sports. Scotch's passion for a fine brew, single malt scotch, and pretty much every lady he meets is only rivaled for his passion for all things Kansas athletics. McAngus began freelancing and regaling tales of Orange Bowl victories and National Basketball Championships.
Soon Scotch realized this talent could help fulfill his strict dietary requirements, and so has decided to grace us with his presence and provide written content of the utmost craftsmanship and insight. For a man raised by cats who has only some blood remaining in his alcohol stream, his wit would leave even Mark Twain begging for more. Scotch McAngus, welcome aboard.
Everybody hoist your mugs in celebration, for this is a momentous day for WavingTheWheat.com and the universe as a whole.
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