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  • 104119611_1001067263658482_3701044660173913127_n.jpg

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    • I went to a bar last night and saw a drunk fat girl dancing on a table. I said, "Nice legs."

      The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

      SPOILERI said, "Definitely. Most tables would have collapsed by now."

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      • An old man is selling watermelons.

        His pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10

        A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon. "That'd be 3 dollars", says the old man.

        The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.

        As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, "Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing."

        The old man smiles and mumbles to himself, "People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business..."

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        • I've been dating a Jazz musician. I kind of want to break up with him, but the Sax is too good.

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          • How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach?

            SPOILERIt's not hard.

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            • What's the downside of eating a clock?

              SPOILERIt's time consuming

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              • 104482425_1003314436767098_8539739092713603932_n.jpg

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                • 104497232_1836261226528884_7971964229124085630_o.jpg

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                  • You should always knock on the refrigerator door before opening it.

                    SPOILERYou know, just in case there's a salad dressing.

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                    • A man is sitting in a bar, minding his own business and having a beer. Suddenly another man bursts into the bar. He obviously knows the first guy and runs up to him.

                      "You've got to hurry! Your best friend is having sex with your wife out in the forest!"

                      The first guy jumps up and runs out of the bar. About a half an hour later, he strolls casually back in and goes back to his seat. Everyone in the bar wants to know what happened, and why he's back.

                      "John was exaggerating," said the guy. "First, it wasn't a forest. It was only about a dozen or so trees. And second, it wasn't my best friend; I barely even know the guy."

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                      • 104495669_10219625018470250_6867292580591823816_n.jpg

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                        • During this campaign season, I want to teach my nieces and nephews about democracy, so we voted on what to have for dinner. They voted to have pizza. So I made them tacos, because we don't live in a swing state.

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                          • Math Trick

                            1 Pick a number from 1-9.
                            2 Multiply that number by 3.
                            3 Add 3.
                            4 Multiply by 3 again.
                            5 Your total will be a two digit number.

                            Add the first and second digits together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below: Movie List:


                            1 Gone With the Wind
                            2 E.T.
                            3 Blazing Saddles
                            4 Star Wars
                            5 Forrest Gump
                            6 The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
                            7 Jaws 8 Grease
                            9 The Nancy Pelosi Resignation Speech
                            10. Casablanca
                            11. Jurassic Park
                            12. Shrek
                            13. Pirates of the Caribbean
                            14. Titanic
                            15. Raiders of the Lost Ark
                            16. Home Alone
                            17. Mrs. Doubt fire ..
                            Now, isn't that something?

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                            • 105495486_1007756392989569_5826508562135555209_n.jpg

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                              • Originally posted by okjayhawker View Post
                                Math Trick

                                1 Pick a number from 1-9.
                                2 Multiply that number by 3.
                                3 Add 3.
                                4 Multiply by 3 again.
                                5 Your total will be a two digit number.

                                Add the first and second digits together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below: Movie List:


                                1 Gone With the Wind
                                2 E.T.
                                3 Blazing Saddles
                                4 Star Wars
                                5 Forrest Gump
                                6 The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
                                7 Jaws 8 Grease
                                9 The Nancy Pelosi Resignation Speech
                                10. Casablanca
                                11. Jurassic Park
                                12. Shrek
                                13. Pirates of the Caribbean
                                14. Titanic
                                15. Raiders of the Lost Ark
                                16. Home Alone
                                17. Mrs. Doubt fire ..
                                Now, isn't that something?
                                You scared me. I thought Pelosi had resigned for a minute.

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