The adventures of Stanley the Scammer - part two

[beakumhawks]

Here are the characters:

Stanley, aka "Captain Insanity" to Jenny - Red
Stanley to Pastor William Burroughs of the S.H.I.T. church - green

Jenny to Stanley - blue
Pastor Burroughs to Stanley - brown

For those of you new to the game, here's a quick rundown of where we're at so far. Stanley, aka "Captain Insanity" is an African 419 scammer. He's also been convinced to join an infamous crime syndicate known as the "Network." Paydays with the network have been slow. Okay, they've been non-existant. Things keep going wrong. So to help Stanley make some cash his best friend in the Network, Penfold Gerbil (me) hooks him up with occasional porn star Jenny Jamison (me) to scam William Burroughs (me) of the Secular Humanistic Intergender Trust Church (or S.H.I.T.) out of some quick cash. We pick up with Stanley working to provide some things that church requested, but he's being a lazy twit.

hello Baby,
my scanner is bad, i have not written to the pastor since xterday. How are you doing.
One love.
How is your pussy.

insanity



baby, where are you today? did you get the stuff to the pastor?

Jenny

Here is an early email that Stanley sent to Pastor Burroughs. Reading the emails from Stanley to the church pastor is a really good way to remind yourself what a total piece of shit these scammers are. There's nothing they won't do, and nothing they won't say, to steal as much as they possibly can.

Pastor William Burroughs
S.H.I.T. Recruitment Director.,

Special Greetings to you sir, for your Lovely mail to me. I specially appreciate it sir. I was intimated in the mail that your sweet church want new recruit and also a new Branch which i can really look forward to having this great deal come to pass as i have always dream't of sir. this could be the good time to win more soul for the Lord.

I am right now wanting for your Kind mail on this regards.

God Blessings to you sir/pastor.

Brother Williams

Greetings in Jesus's name
My child, when I read your tale of woe I was moved to tears. It is so gratifying to know that the hand of god touched you during Ms. Moore's service. I have corresponded with Ms. Moore, and she testifies that you are of the upmost character, and she believes that you will make a fine regional S.H.I.T. Head, and will work night and day to recruit new members to the church.
We currently have a $225,000 stipend available to start a church in Africa. These funds will be used for purchasing land to start the church and for construction costs in the building of the church. I would like you to apply for these funds, and if you will let me help you I will guide you through the process of becoming a full fledged S.H.I.T. Head.
Peace be with you my child
Pastor Burroughs
S.H.I.T. Recruitment Director


Pastor William Burroughs
S.H.I.T. Recruitment Director.
Hello Sir{pastor},
I found out the church when i visited the states and I felt the power of S.H.I.T and where drawn to it. So i was thinking it will be a good idea to Have a Branch here in Africa since i grew up as a Lonely Motherless baby. I have been Motherless from child Birth, so i got the opportunity to meet with Ms. Moore.
There is nothing much about myself all has ben pain for me, until i found some peace with your good church.
I really look forward to your approval to have a Branch here in Africa, I am in Nigeria in Warri-Delta state.
Looking forward to hearing from you sir.
God Bless you and the Follow Brothers in the Lord\//////

Regards,

Brother Williams

and

Pastor William Burroughs
S.H.I.T. Recruitment Director.,

Special Greetings to you sir, for your Lovely mail to me. I specially appreciate it sir. I was intimated in the mail that your sweet church want new recruit and also a new Branch which i can really look forward to having this great deal come to pass as i have always dream't of sir. this could be the good time to win more soul for the Lord.

I am right now wanting for your Kind mail on this regards.

God Blessings to you sir/pastor.

Brother Williams.

Recruit Williams

Greetings in Jesus's name! I am so excited about this possibility and hope you are as well. Spreading S.H.I.T. to people like yourself is a goal of the church, and Ms. Moore told us that you were just the man for the job.

Normally the acceptance process is a six to nine month process, but with my help and your readiness I believe we can speed that up significantly. I will present your case to the board but to get us started I need the following from you:

1) A ten page (minimum) paper telling us of how you came to see the golden glow of S.H.I.T. and why we should send you the money to open a branch and make you a S.H.I.T. Head. Please go into detail of your conversion to the church. Also tell us how you plan to recruit other S.H.I.T.'s to the cause. The board will review this paper, so this is your opportunity to really shine and show us what a fine S.H.I.T. you would make.

2) Photos of the land that you plan to acquire to build the church with the money that we send to you. We like to have at least 50,000 square feet for the church, however, we can accept less. Also, please let us know how much the land is going to cost.

3) A drawing of what the outside of the church is going to look like. I realize that you are probably not an arcitech, however I believe that you can provide a drawing to give the board an idea of what they can expect. Be creative in your design of the church.

Please complete these items and send them to me quickly so that we can get the ball rolling. I have great confidence in your becoming a S.H.I.T. Head in the near future, and getting the funding you require!

Pastor Burroughs
S.H.I.T. Recruitment Director


Hello Dear,
I want you to give me details of the Number 1 requirement ...i don't seem to know how to go about it.I want you see what you can do for me right now.I have a very long cock...I swear you will like it so much.
1) A ten page (minimum) paper telling us of how you came to see the golden glow of S.H.I.T. and why we should send you the money to open a branch and make you a S.H.I.T. Head. Please go into detail of your conversion to the church. Also tell us how you plan to recruit other S.H.I.T.'s to the cause. The board will review this paper, so this is your opportunity to really shine and show us what a fine S.H.I.T. you would make.

okay baby i looked over what they sent to you again and i think the pastor wants you to send him your life story. tell him about how you were in a motherless babies home most of your life but they were mean to you. tell them about how the people in the motherless babies home used to beat you and burn you with their cigarettes. tell him about how you thought about killing yourself or turning to a life of crime until you found the S.H.I.T. church and you realized that the S.H.I.T. church was your calling.
write all of this out and put in lots of frowning faces when you were sad and lots of happy faces when you were happy. they like stuff like that. tell him about how that since you have have the S.H.I.T. in your heart you have already started to spread the joy of S.H.I.T. to the people that you know and you will work hard to recruit others to church.

that's just an outline baby. you get the idea. i guess he wants at least ten handwritten pages, so really pour it on about how pathetic your life was before you discovered S.H.I.T. understand?

the quicker you do this the quicker you get your money. god, this is getting me so hot. i'm playing with my pussy with one hand and typing to you on the other. oh god, i just came!!!

hurry baby. and be sure and tell me how long your cock is and don't lie!!

Penfold thought he had a long cock as well and it was very tiny. Every man thinks that they have a long cock. Just how long is yours?

I would check with the pastor on the paper thingie. It looks like you have to do more than I did, but then again you are becoming a regional head while I am just a pastor. You're getting lots more money than I did.

Hello baby Jenni,

The pastor has hoocked me with the first deal, so i should go ahead a fill the forms you gave to me abi.

here is the details of what he need for the first job payment then we ghost. i gonna fuck you really hard, on your juicy part.

Recruit Williams



I'm sorry, but years later the term "juicy part" has still stuck with me.


i knew you could do it baby! big time money for both of us!

i am still not wearing any panties and thinking of you

Jenny

[beakumhawks]

Had to finish this one in the second post, as it was too long

he is hoocked.

see update. response....

Greetings in Jesus's name

My child, when I read your tale of woe I was moved to tears. It is so gratifying to know that the hand of god touched you during Ms. Moore's service. I have corresponded with Ms. Moore, and she testifies that you are of the upmost character, and she believes that you will make a fine regional S.H.I.T. Head, and will work night and day to recruit new members to the church.

We currently have a $225,000 stipend available to start a church in Africa. These funds will be used for purchasing land to start the church and for construction costs in the building of the church. I would like you to apply for these funds, and if you will let me help you I will guide you through the process of becoming a full fledged S.H.I.T. Head.

Peace be with you my child

Pastor Burroughs
S.H.I.T. Recruitment Director

Stanley goes silent. It's not like Stanley to go silent. A couple of days go by, and neither Penfold, Jenny or Pastor Burroughs hears from him. Jenny is starting to get pissed. Finally Stanley answers.

hello Baby,
my scanner is bad, i have not written to the pastor since xterday. How are you doing.
One love.
How is your pussy.
insanity

Okay. Good. Stanley hasn't twigged.

hi baby! my pussy is wet and lonely!!
be sure and get that stuff to the pastor as soon as you can. if you have to go to an internet cafe and scan it. the sooner you get that stuff in the sooner we get the big money and i'm sucking your long, hard cock!
Jenny

followed up by

baby
what is going on with our fool? is he going to send you the money? have you gotten him what he needs yet?
let me know baby. i hate it when i don't hear from you. it gets my pussy so wet just thinking about you and the things you write to me.
i'm shaving my pussy right now. do you like shaved pussy? i hope you do as i shave mine all of the time.
Jenny

Another day passes. Finally Stanley responds. I love getting emails like these from scammers:

Hello Baby Jenni,
Sorri for keeping you! I ran out of cash so i went looking for some dough for my work. I am fucking stranded. I went for a bachelors eve and spent all my money buying things for my gees.
I will update the Client tommarrow. I have done the note for him, i am looking for an open land to snap as the site for the building.
One love.
Captain insanity.
hmmmmm shave the pussy very well but let it be with a small hair on the tip, its sexy when i see it that way..

Wait a minute! He's supposed to be out working our Reverend, and instead he's out having an evening on the town with his boys (gees)! Jenny is not someone you want to piss off.

baby
what were you doing out spending money with other women? do you have women other than me that you are romancing? please say that i am the only one for you.
talk dirty to me some more baby and get the fool the stuff that he needs.
Jenny

Three days pass. Nothing from Stanley. Now Jenny is pissed.
baby what the fuck is going on? did you get the money from the fool and now you're trying to cut me out? answer me!

Jenny

Hello Jenni,
Cam down I have not received any cash yet
I am going to deal with it today.
I have been busy on Transit to a neighboring State in Nigeria

Insanity

In looking back through some of my Penfold emails I found that during this time period we had sent him on a wild goose chase to Delta States to get some computers. Unfortunately an associate named "fingers" took off with the computers, mainly because Stanley couldn't find the exchange point (probably because we made the location of the exchange point up). This explains Stanley's tardiness, but of course Jenny doesn't know about any of this.

But finally Stanley gets his story down in writing and sent to the pastor.

Hello Sir,
Greetings in the name of the Lord, I have attached, some of the scanned copies of my biography, my network is low, i will send the remaining and also the snapped site of the location of the land to establish the church.
I have two snaped shot of it now.
God Bless you sir.

Brother Williams
Here's his life story

http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg184/agentcletus/stanleyone.jpg

http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg184/agentcletus/stanleytwo.jpg

http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg184/agentcletus/stanleythree.jpg

http://i248.photobucket.com/albums/gg184/agentcletus/stanleyfour.jpg

One small problem
You promised me the total items due two days ago. I am sorry but when the time came and went without your submission we dropped you as a candidate.

Peace be with you
Pastor William Burroughs

So Stanley has been dumped by the church for being a lardass. Will he get back in the good graces of the church? How will Jenny react? (here's a hint - it won't be pretty). Exactly what must he do to get back in the graces of the church?

I'll post the next batch when I've got some time.

(edit - I'll try and increase the image size of his letters when I've got some time. He tells quite a tale of woe)

[Hawker007]

"Spreading S.H.I.T. to people like yourself is a goal of the church"

LOL!!!

[Joe Norris]

Fantastic...JUICY PARTS

[jayhawkinhutch]

The golden showers of S.H.I.T.

Thanks for the update. I will be anticipating Part III.

[Hoopo]

Can't wait for the photos.

[beakumhawks]

fyi, for those who may think I'm being too nasty to poor Stanley (and believe me, this is nothing compared to some of the other shit I put him through), I thought I might share this email Stanley sent to Penfold. In this email Stanley explains how he rips off Western Union transfers:

Listen Dude,

This relationship is gonna be great. I like friends working with brothers with sincere mind, that is how I work with my boss he is such a good dude. He even cleans mess for me without charging me he do the payment himself. (that would be Mr. E of the "Network" who hires hop sing woo, at no charge to Stanley, to whack those that won't pay).

I will do this for us. We gon ma money.

see how bank works in Nigeria. They are so easy to penetrate here. They are not much wiser yet.

My brother is the customer service in WU in one of the good Banks in Nigeria.

When we get good Numbers that contains money, we log the Numbers in to check if there is money, then is there is money, we check the name who it was sent and I be the one to go do the ID, just Black and White ID, as the coloured is not neccessary as my brother will still do the photocopy and give the owner the original Coloured on. so we just do the Black and white to save or money then we pull the cash and we split. simple. nobody ever knows this. hhahahahaha that is what DM (Mohinder of the "Network" who used to be Penfold's boss before getting whacked by hop sing woo for chopping Stanley's dollar. Unfortunately DM had written a Doomsday Program that was released when he didn't log in for a certain number of days, but that's another story) wants to enjoy. He is a cheep crook. He will never last again. this kind of people my Boss in seattle like cleanning them fast. Because they hinder the growth of Brothers.

One Love Brother.

Your are great we shall make money sonnest brother. Keep working fast let make it before they know whatz hapning you will change from their Job.

They are more of a shit bag to deal with. can't trust those mutherfucker, Terrible toad (another Network operative. Anyone notice the Dangermouse references?) has just eat his last in the game. this is the reason why Brothers die in the street due to their greedyness.

Insanity

Here's the really frustrating part - Stanley explained to me in great detail, in this email and other emails, how he regularly rips off Western Union payments. I've got a contact that I send bank information to, and he couldn't do anything to stop this. I sent a half dozen emails to the head of security at this particular bank, with no response. Nigeria is such a fucking corrupt country that even the people there don't give a shit. Cops can be bought off for five bucks.

No amount of pain, and belive me, I put Stanley through some pain, is enough for these bastards.