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  • Christmas Cards

    Do you send them?

    If so, stop.

  • #2
    Re: Christmas Cards

    Change your profile already, we have been here for days.

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    • #3
      Re: Christmas Cards

      This will be the second year that I haven't sent them. It just seems like a waste of time and money now that the internet has kept me in touch with virtually everyone I have ever met in my life.

      I spent almost $300 on my last batch of cards by the time I counted the card, the picture, and the postage. That's just insane.

      I thought about doing it this year and making it a combo Christmas card/birth announcement for Max, but I never got around to it. He's the third child...someday he will understand why his brothers got fancy birth announcement and his birth was just announced on Facebook.

      I've noticed that we have got way less this year than in year's past. So either everyone else is ditching the idea too or nobody likes us anymore.

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      • #4
        Re: Christmas Cards

        once. And then we never did it again. The only way I would do it now is if my wife would let me do something like the Sedaris Christmas letter. That would be worth it.

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        • #5
          Re: Christmas Cards

          I like getting the Christmas cards that basically look like a postcard with a family on it. I don't keep up much with even my brothers/sisters/nieces, so it's nice to see them relatively dressed up together and seeing how much the kids have grown.

          Now, Christmas bragging letters (Jimmy is the SMARTEST, Lisa only had 4 abortions this year, Jack is CEO of his lemonade stand) can fucking die.

          This is the first year we're sending out the postcard-y thing, and that's only because of the relatively new little monster.

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          • #6
            Re: Christmas Cards

            Never sent them.

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            • #7
              Re: Christmas Cards

              [quote author=Jhawk2001 link=topic=2706.msg30688#msg30688 date=1292372192]
              Never sent them.
              [/quote]

              But does your wife? No way out of it here. The wife does it.

              Comment


              • #8
                Re: Christmas Cards

                I never send them. Some relatives do, and it is appreciated. What does a bachelor write in a Christmas card?

                'So things are going well. I finally cleaned out the sink. The stubble had caked on the walls, so I had to soften it up with CLR and a wire brush. At least it was easier than cleaning out the fridge. I'm fairly sure some spaghettios found their way into the crisper, but I'm not sure where the raisens came from (at least I think they were raisens).

                Other than keeping up with the Joneses, I've been trying to give back to the community. Last night I sent home the latest barfly with some cabfare. I felt warm and fuzzy inside. Hey it's better than getting that sensation when you pee.

                Merry Christmas,
                RTHPineapple'

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                • #9
                  Re: Christmas Cards

                  That's awesome, Randy. If I were to write a "real" Christmas letter, it would go something like this.......

                  2010 was a particular blessed year for our happy little family.

                  Let's start with our oldest Sam. At 7 years old, we are proud to say that he is effectively learning how to deal with his anger issues. This was evidenced when he wasn't able to advance to the next level in his Harry Potter XBOX game. Rather than throw himself on the floor and kick and scream like a toddler, Sam showed the maturity to hurl his XBOX controller directly at the screen of the LCD TV shattering it to bits. Proud. Yes, very proud we are.

                  At the mere age of 4, Ben is also showing great maturity when expressing his emotions. Why, just the other day when he didn't get his way, he shouted at his parents, "I am going to get a knife and kill you!!!" We are certain that he picked this up from his older brother who is ALWAYS such a positive role model.

                  It's not just their behavior that makes us proud these days. They are just SO CUTE that we can't help but love all over them. Ben takes such pride in his looks that he can even give himself his very own haircuts!!! The trailer park cut he gave himself last month with mommy's craft scissors looks adorable with the missing tooth in the front of his mouth --- a result of an "accident" last March when Sam shoved him against the fireplace knocking the tooth out. The big gap matches beautifully with the dead GRAY tooth that Ben killed while sliding down the stairs on his sled. Thankfully he had the good sense to wear his bike helmet while doing this (as well as mommy's bra.....but that's a whole other bragging moment for us!).

                  As always, Sam is as healthy as a horse. He only had two doctor's visits all year. The first was to treat what turned out to be just a raging case of jock itch. The second was when we were sure he had a case of the dreaded lice that was going around his school, only to find out that he was rocking the dandruff. Jock itch and dandruff.....that is SO our little Sam!!

                  On September 23, we welcomed our newest little asshole. (errr, I mean our newest little blessed child). Maxwell Lawrence weighed a hefty 8 pounds and 9 ounces and was 22 inches long. Luckily, mommy's clown car crotch had been wrecked so much by the previous assholes (I MEAN BLESSED CHILDREN) that he slid right out. It's a good thing that he started out so big....he needed that extra chunk due to nursing issues that mommy was too stupid to figure out until she had been unknowingly starving him for the first two weeks of his life. Apparently, Max was born with a short tongue...which he have now dubbed his "Boulevard tongue" in honor of the beer mommy drank during her first trimester while back in Kansas City cheering on her Jayhawks to their Big 12 tournament title (they may piss down their legs in the NCAA's but we sure rock those conference tourneys!!) Nevertheless, we are happy to report that at 11 weeks old, Max is now back on track and eating like Mangino at a Vegas buffet.

                  In other news, mommy's nipples are purple and falling off.

                  Max is such a joy to our lives. He is worth every penny of $3,000 out of pocket it cost to birth him thanks to our awesome health insurance. As a bonus, mommy becomes all happy inside every time she is reminded of the place that he was named after.....ahhhh, Lawrence......back in the days when she could sleep til noon, drink all day and night......oh, and get laid more than once every 9 months.

                  DAMN, those were the days. But these are better. Really. They are.

                  Oh, and please note the new address. We moved to a brand new custom house over the summer. It's quite impressive how much damage the kids have already managed to do to the new digs. And don't be alarmed if you visit us and happen to notice our bare entertainment center. No, we were not robbed of all our electronics. We really don't have a tv and the XBOX has been sent away for repair. The only thing sitting in the vast empty space at this moment is daddy's old broken iPhone. Those smart phones sure are silly!!!

                  Before I go, let me leave you with a true story of Christmas joy. Shortly after setting up our nativity set this year, (or the "Jesus kit" as Sam calls it), I came down to find all the figurines face down on the table. I asked Ben what happened and he said in a total dead-pan voice void of emotion...."they are dead. Mary, Joseph, baby Jesus, the shepherds, the wise men, the cow...ALL DEAD." Merry merry and Happy Birthday Jesus from our family to yours!!

                  We hope this Christmas letter finds you all happy and well and perfectly content....JUST LIKE US!!!!


                  Love,
                  The people Ben wants to kill with a knife.

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                  • #10
                    Re: Christmas Cards

                    S&B.... if all christmas letters were like that, I'd read more of them.

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                    • #11
                      Re: Christmas Cards

                      Bravo.

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                      • #12
                        Re: Christmas Cards

                        Since I'm not married and don't have kids, can I still send an obnoxious Christmas card out? Maybe go rent a Bentley for a day and get a picture of me with slicked back hair giving a thumbs up? That sounds about right.

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                        • #13
                          Re: Christmas Cards

                          Sam, that's awesome.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Re: Christmas Cards

                            [quote author=JHAWKjason link=topic=2706.msg30744#msg30744 date=1292415926]
                            Since I'm not married and don't have kids, can I still send an obnoxious Christmas card out? Maybe go rent a Bentley for a day and get a picture of me with slicked back hair giving a thumbs up? That sounds about right.
                            [/quote]

                            Awesome. Wanna split costs?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Christmas Cards

                              [quote author=blackPHOGmoan link=topic=2706.msg30747#msg30747 date=1292418141]
                              [quote author=JHAWKjason link=topic=2706.msg30744#msg30744 date=1292415926]
                              Since I'm not married and don't have kids, can I still send an obnoxious Christmas card out? Maybe go rent a Bentley for a day and get a picture of me with slicked back hair giving a thumbs up? That sounds about right.
                              [/quote]

                              Awesome. Wanna split costs?
                              [/quote]

                              The other idea I had was to Photoshop myself into a picture of Jerry Jones at a suite at the Cowboys' game. That would be soooo Dallas neuvo riche.

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