Worst/strangest secks story

[dewarsrocks]

We want to hear them. I'll start.

Back when the significant ex and I were apart I hooked up with some drunk chick at the local sports bar I haunted. We ended up going back to her house at closing time for some fun. So there I am, sprawled out on her couch and she commences with the beej. She's going at it, I'm enjoying the hell out of it when her little bastard dog comes up under my legs and begins licking my balls.

She just pushes the dog away and continues on her quest for man juice. Talk about an awkward moment. WTF do you say??

I guess the one plus is if you ever fear you'll blow your load too fast just have her dog lick your balls mid stride. It took me forever to come after that. But I did. I deserved it.

[Guest]

Re: Worst/strangest secks story

Spider tit.

[RandytheHelpfulPineapple]

Re: Worst/strangest secks story

It really is your own fault for putting peanut butter down there. What did you really expect?

[Joe Norris]

Re: Worst/strangest secks story

Well...this was a case where nothing happened...but it almost got weird

I was in bed with the gf...had just gotten home from the bar...roll over to check the drawer...no condoms (we are trying to be really careful about not having kids condom+birth control is a must)

Naturally, we had been drinking so we wanted it to happen....GF says "hold on, I'll be right back"

I'm thinking...ok, good she stashed one in her purse...she returns 30 seconds later with saran wrap...I rolled over and went to sleep...can't imagine how awful that would feel...not to mention the fact that I don't think it woulda done any good

[KingofCarrotFlowers]

Re: Worst/strangest secks story

[quote author=Joe Norris link=topic=1844.msg20443#msg20443 date=1288532307]
Well...this was a case where nothing happened...but it almost got weird

I was in bed with the gf...had just gotten home from the bar...roll over to check the drawer...no condoms (we are trying to be really careful about not having kids condom+birth control is a must)

Naturally, we had been drinking so we wanted it to happen....GF says "hold on, I'll be right back"

I'm thinking...ok, good she stashed one in her purse...she returns 30 seconds later with saran wrap...I rolled over and went to sleep...can't imagine how awful that would feel...not to mention the fact that I don't think it woulda done any good
[/quote]

After reading that, I applaud you two for trying to not procreate.



Worst secks I've had was when I was super-hammered and brought home a not so attractive lady. We were on a bed pretty low to the ground and I somehow kept falling off the bed, enough that I somehow gashed my knee and was bloody. It was awful.

Strangest secks I've had wasn't really that the secks was weird, but more that I had no idea who the girl was or how she ended up in my bed.

[Joe Norris]

Re: Worst/strangest secks story

Hey man...drunk is drunk...haha

[chemhawk]

Re: Worst/strangest secks story

Girl once stopped as the petting got heavy and said "I think this relationship could go somewhere". I stuttered and stammered.

She then got naked and asked me to put on a ski mask.

I did not marry her.

[RandytheHelpfulPineapple]

Re: Worst/strangest secks story

[quote author=chemhawk link=topic=1844.msg20451#msg20451 date=1288533838]
Girl once stopped as the petting got heavy and said "I think this relationship could go somewhere". I stuttered and stammered.

She then got naked and asked me to put on a ski mask.

I did not marry her.
[/quote]

Up in Minnesota, that's a courting ritual. It's usually followed up with 'hot dish'.

[Joe Norris]

Re: Worst/strangest secks story

What about the Alabama booty call?

[chemhawk]

Re: Worst/strangest secks story

[quote author=Joe Norris link=topic=1844.msg20457#msg20457 date=1288533999]
What about the Alabama booty call?
[/quote]

I just google searched that. Hilarious. Do you know any that actually has done this?

[Joe Norris]

Re: Worst/strangest secks story

Haha...no

007 (I think) posted a thread about it a few days ago

[RumpQueso]

Re: Worst/strangest secks story

Well...I don't think I need to say much

you know...legal implications and all


let's just say one time I had a keg and filled the "love tub" with lube

[Hoopo]

Re: Worst/strangest secks story

Also had a caninus coitus interruptus. Longtime gf (for me that meant 3 years) at her house. Going at it for half an hour when we went for the big finish, doggie stylee.

As climax neared (for me, at least), her 14 year old rescue dog jumped on the bed and licked the back of my pumping scrote. I reflexively kicked the hound backward off the bed.

We formally ended relations a few weeks later. She never forgave me for that.

[thedeerehunter]

Re: Worst/strangest secks story

The worst was when Mom walked in on me and sis.









I mean, Mom understood and was okay with it, (I wasn't of legal age but sis was, so it was on the up and up) but it still weirded me out a little. I couldn't bang my sister for almost two weeks after that.

[dewarsrocks]

Re: Worst/strangest secks story

[quote author=Hoopo link=topic=1844.msg20472#msg20472 date=1288536187]
Also had a caninus coitus interruptus. Longtime gf (for me that meant 3 years) at her house. Going at it for half an hour when we went for the big finish, doggie stylee.

As climax neared (for me, at least), her 14 year old rescue dog jumped on the bed and licked the back of my pumping scrote. I reflexively kicked the hound backward off the bed.

We formally ended relations a few weeks later. She never forgave me for that.
[/quote]

"She never forgave me"

You mean the girl or the dog?