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Wave the Write: The Aristocrats

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  • Wave the Write: The Aristocrats

    Kearney (his actual entry):

    A man walks into a talent agency and says to the talent agent, "My Family and I have a
    really amazing act. You should represent us."

    The Agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

    The man insists saying, "Sir, if you just hear about our act, I know you would want to
    represent us."

    The agent says, "OK. OK. Tell me about it."

    The man begins by handing The Agent a cast list.

    Cast of Characters:

    Husband as the Head of the Manor.
    Wife as an aging former Beauty Queen.
    Our sixteen year old twin boys, Timmy and Tommy as Pony Boy and Cage Master.
    Our daughter Vivian as the very large breasted but strict Disciplinarian.
    Our dog Rexx and our pet Cockatoo as unsuspecting dinner guests.
    My Grandmother Bertha as the Call Girl.
    The Baby Sitter from Missouri doing what girls from Missouri do best.
    and Oswald.

    He went on to explain that although the twins were identical, it was easy to tell them apart
    as Timmy was the one with the Prince Albert piercing. With glee he detailed how Grandma,
    although being recently deceased, is perfect for the part of the oversexed call girl.

    As the scene opens to a 17th Century Bavarian Castle you can see about the room various
    items including three red hot branding irons in the fireplace, a man sized iron bird cage
    with curious access holes and a large round oak table. Attached to the table are four
    appropriately placed shackles.

    But before The Man can begin to describe the action which was to take place in this scene, a
    loud series of screeches and thuds followed by breaking glass is heard outside the
    large bay windows of The Agent's office on the busy street below. Curious they run to the
    window to see a very large limousine pinned in the middle of the sizable wreck, with cars
    and buses bunched up all around it blocking every door. There seems to be an unusual number
    of police already at the site. Everywhere. And people are getting out of their cars and
    running to safety as gasoline from one or more of the vehicles seems to be flooding the
    ground around the destruction.

    The Agent watches closely as the police and now a few firemen frantically attempt to get
    access to the Armored Limo. The gas fumes become even stronger and the fear of them igniting
    looms. At last, using the Jaws of Life they are able to open the roof of the car and
    extract the occupants. Queen Elizabeth, Prince Charles and Prince Harry are whisked away to

    The Man, now furious that The Agent is not listening to his description of the family act
    shouts loudly, “Who do they think they are?”

    After a few minutes of silence The Agent simply says, “The Aristocrats.”

    Entry B:


  • #2
    Re: Wave the Write: The Aristocrats

    OK, so, the first one is hilarious. I see what you did there. You took all the style elements of "The Aristocrats" and merged them with the style elements of "The Shaggy Dog". Clever. But I think it is illegal in all but a few southern states.

    The second one. If you had only put more effort into it. Perhaps seven dots. Three dots shows you just aren't trying.


    • #3
      Re: Wave the Write: The Aristocrats

      And Kearney barely beats out a blank entry.



      • #4
        Re: Wave the Write: The Aristocrats


        Wow, a one vote win over 'nothing'. Kinda knocks the hubris right outta me, and almost enough to secede from the competition.

        For those that voted against me, or for B as it may be, please help me.

        1) Are you aware of the "The Artistocrats" form and history?

        2) If you were, did you vote against me because it was not a true "The Aristocrats" in that I did not offend or wasn't graphic enough, or because I was not true to the style.

        3) Are you one who voted against me because you didn't know what "The Artistocrats" was and therefore found my writing simply a bad joke?

        Let me know, I took a big risk writing what I did because true "The Aristocrat" lovers might have voted against me for not following the style 100%, and those not familiar with the style and history might have simply found the writing lame, not knowing the extreme restrictions placed upon the writer with that style.

        Let me know. Please.


        • #5
          Re: Wave the Write: The Aristocrats

          Yeh.... you're over my head. I just assumed you were a ruhtard.


          • #6
            Re: Wave the Write: The Aristocrats

            I think most folks vote for a blank entry because it's funny. It's a slap to the face for the writer that tried.