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Kearney
If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning. Really. Think about it. Hammering is hard work and in the morning it's cool and pleasant. In the afternoon it's hot. Hammering when it's hot? I think not. And of course hammering in the evening would be so offensive to the neighbors. How could they enjoy their dinners, or their hot tube time with me wailing against some nails and occasionally my thumb?
Of course, if I had a hammer, I would probably also have a sickle. Now don't take that too literally, it's not like I am a Marxist or anything. Hammers are very important in a communist society. How else are you going to keep everyone in line. How else are you going to keep the proletariat in power? Huh?
That reminds me of the carrot and the stick. One to beat you with, and one to entice you. So, kinda like the Jello pudding pops and the hammer. Amirite?
Of course, who can forget what all of our grandfathers told us when we were given that first sex talk. “Son, it takes a big hammer to drive a long spike.” As I carry a few extra pounds back there, I thought it for sure meant that all the ladies would automatically know that I was in fact carrying a long spike. And thick as well. So far I have not been proven wrong.
If I had a hammer, I would make all those who just don't get it see the light. Including my son who doesn't get it. I'd hammer at 'em until it sunk through their thick skulls. Hammer at 'em day and night until they saw the light.
Of course hammer can be a vague term. There are many types of hammers. Tack hammers. Ball Pein hammers. Ripping hammers. Hammer drills, Claw hammers, Club hammers, Sledge hammers. And that's not even considering the 'soft' hammers like the joiner's mallet and the rubber mallet.
Hehehehe, I said rubber mallet. But in truth the Rubber Mallet is a valuable too, and a bit of conflict of terms. I mean, rubber = soft, mallet = hard. But in this case a perfect match. A way to move objects with the force of a hammer, without causing damage.
Of course if I had a Hammer Head Shark for a pet all my friends would be in awe. Except for all of those who got a little too close. They would not be in awe, but awfully sad they had lost a limb, or had such a terrible scar. To them I would say, “I am sorry”.
And if I played darts with Hammer Head darts I would probably be pretty good. I mean, why would I pay $120.00 for a set of darts unless I was serious about the game? I could probably hit 301 in 15 darts, and close out bulls in cricket in my first turn. That's how good I would be if I had Hammer Heads.
And who could ever forget Freddy “The Hammer” Williamson who played for the Chiefs way back in the day? Dude hammered the receivers he was covering with such ferocious abuse, that they had t outlaw his signature move. But not until after the Chiefs had won a SuperBowl.
But this is all “If I had a Hammer.” And alas, I do not.
TacoHut
If I had a hammer I would probably hit myself on the thumb and be pissed off. That would cause me to throw the hammer and then I would not have a hammer again.
In closing I would like to show this video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7b6Ff9Qm2FU
If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning. Really. Think about it. Hammering is hard work and in the morning it's cool and pleasant. In the afternoon it's hot. Hammering when it's hot? I think not. And of course hammering in the evening would be so offensive to the neighbors. How could they enjoy their dinners, or their hot tube time with me wailing against some nails and occasionally my thumb?
Of course, if I had a hammer, I would probably also have a sickle. Now don't take that too literally, it's not like I am a Marxist or anything. Hammers are very important in a communist society. How else are you going to keep everyone in line. How else are you going to keep the proletariat in power? Huh?
That reminds me of the carrot and the stick. One to beat you with, and one to entice you. So, kinda like the Jello pudding pops and the hammer. Amirite?
Of course, who can forget what all of our grandfathers told us when we were given that first sex talk. “Son, it takes a big hammer to drive a long spike.” As I carry a few extra pounds back there, I thought it for sure meant that all the ladies would automatically know that I was in fact carrying a long spike. And thick as well. So far I have not been proven wrong.
If I had a hammer, I would make all those who just don't get it see the light. Including my son who doesn't get it. I'd hammer at 'em until it sunk through their thick skulls. Hammer at 'em day and night until they saw the light.
Of course hammer can be a vague term. There are many types of hammers. Tack hammers. Ball Pein hammers. Ripping hammers. Hammer drills, Claw hammers, Club hammers, Sledge hammers. And that's not even considering the 'soft' hammers like the joiner's mallet and the rubber mallet.
Hehehehe, I said rubber mallet. But in truth the Rubber Mallet is a valuable too, and a bit of conflict of terms. I mean, rubber = soft, mallet = hard. But in this case a perfect match. A way to move objects with the force of a hammer, without causing damage.
Of course if I had a Hammer Head Shark for a pet all my friends would be in awe. Except for all of those who got a little too close. They would not be in awe, but awfully sad they had lost a limb, or had such a terrible scar. To them I would say, “I am sorry”.
And if I played darts with Hammer Head darts I would probably be pretty good. I mean, why would I pay $120.00 for a set of darts unless I was serious about the game? I could probably hit 301 in 15 darts, and close out bulls in cricket in my first turn. That's how good I would be if I had Hammer Heads.
And who could ever forget Freddy “The Hammer” Williamson who played for the Chiefs way back in the day? Dude hammered the receivers he was covering with such ferocious abuse, that they had t outlaw his signature move. But not until after the Chiefs had won a SuperBowl.
But this is all “If I had a Hammer.” And alas, I do not.
TacoHut
If I had a hammer I would probably hit myself on the thumb and be pissed off. That would cause me to throw the hammer and then I would not have a hammer again.
In closing I would like to show this video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7b6Ff9Qm2FU
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